I just tried that '24/7 on demand thing. Oh My Effing God what useless crap. Hope they heard me say so over my mike...
And I wanted to beg you for an ADHD evaluation very very soon. I'm not able to function at the moment with symptoms identical to what I've read of ADHD. You know I've been very good for a very long time with computers. Constant midstream distractions are keeping me from doing what I do. Might be that Anxiety, sure. But I recall the same from my childhood, with some truly brilliant elementary school teachers -- one who won an award, who's name escapes me. Mrs Fillenworth, maybe?
So schedule the eval, due to the controlled substances like Adderal (and yes I might need some). But I need help now. I can't live my life like this, anxiety notwithstanding. Thanks.
Griz
PS. "What, no Autism?" ADHD is now part of the Autistic Spectrum according to the DSM, as I recall. Is that correct?
Griz
I suspect I'm suffering from clinical depression. I don't know why I hesitate to say it or to tell you. I actually believe it. But I find myself telling myself "I've never had clinical depression." But given I don't actually know what it is, how can I be sure I don't have it?
I'm not a genius, sure. But I'm not this non-functional. I'm sitting in front of the computer trying to do things. I know what to do -- I've been doing this since high school in 1976. So why do I sit here, knowing what to do, and not doing it, and angry because it hasn't happened yet?
Something is seriously wrong, and I need help. But I find it hard to ask, even knowing I need the help. I never ask for anything. But I get angry when people don't give me what I never asked for. I get angry for reasons I don't understand myself. I come up with ideas why I'm angry, but I know they're not true. So why do I believe them? There aren't any diseases I understand that would cause that. I believe myself to be honest with myself. So why am I lying to myself? PTSD? Clinical depression? Something I've never heard of? I know a bit, but I don't know everything.
And I keep getting angry that other people believe I do know everything. Why should that be a problem? Please find me someone to talk to, very very soon, who can help me figure this out. I'm not even sure why, or how I feel about it. But something is seriously wrong here.
Griz
PS. I don't know -- so why am I afraid to ask?
This morning, trying to talk to my sister who I love (and who won't let me tell her that because I'd feel bad), keeps thinking I need to apologize to all of you folks at Essentia. People who saved my fucking life... and who aren't mad at me... and I need to apologize? But maybe I do. Switching to speech-to-text because I'm tired of typing after doing it for 20 years. This is me voice typing. I can't call you, because both my cell phones are not working. The windows system for doing transcription is ****** ** there's no one there to tell . My chart is ****** ** . There is someone in charge the folks who sold you the crap wear . But nobody knows that. I owe you an apology for not forcing you to actually get your busted system that they sold you replaced. But none of you know who's in charge of it, so I can tell them can't tell them ... And you can figure out why I'm anxious??? Here take more pills!!! I'm a night person who has to come in for appointments during the day. You have a hospital across town , that i can easily get to, and get downtown from there but your system won't let me do that when I can afford to do it myself.
**** you don't know why I'm anxious ? You just give me more pills, because that's our procedure . Fix your **** or I have to go to the other hospital and I don't wanna do that . Am i clear enough yet? Signed grizz not grizzly not David grizz
Why not go there? Because you're doing your best.
With the procedures you have... But you don't wanna change your
procedures which are ****** ** because there are procedures. Went to the
emergency room on a Saturday night. Fall of highly trained people who
could have helped., but quote we need you need to talk to your PCP UN
quote. I have to tell this busted *** dictation software how to type.
Character by character. I have one way to get text messages using Skype.
Microsoft is shutting down Skype. And they feel bad about it, but they
won't stop shutting it down, because I can't talk to the person in
charge to tell them they're screwing up! And y'all won't let me talk to
the people who are responsible, because apparently no one is. That's why
you don't know who it is has... This dictation software is also screwed
up. I can't tell them, because everyone is afraid to be in charge. So
do I owe you an apology for telling you that? My sister Julie thinks I
do... I'd call you, but the only way I can get the number is by calling
the operator, who doesn't ******* know who I'm supposed to talk to
either, and nobody can can fix that I know how... But I can't talk to
the person who can fix it. Paragraph... Do I owe you an apology???
Please God get your busted *** systems fixed!!! I can explain it to you,
but I can't understand it for you. Look up what that means on Google if
you want.
I would have put this on MyChart, but MyChart doesn't want me to write this out longform. And you know who's in charge of deciding to replace this crapware? Epic. The company that is charging you for it. The Emperor has no clothes.
Griz
One reason one more reason I can't call you, and you can't call me, is because Tracfone (Now owned by Verizon) won't activate my "unsuitable" cell phones, which need AT&T style towers. Do I need to apologize to Verizon? "Can you hear me now?" No, because you won't activate the cellphones, including the one Tracfone just sold me, because they're "unsuitable." Brand new, but unsuitable. But no, let's not be wasteful by paying to use AT&T's towers so my "unsuitable" cellphones will work.
I believe I told you that. So why do your nurses want want to have you call me back??? Multi $1,000,000 phone system you don't know how to use, nobody's in charge of fixing it, I know how to get it fixed, I could do the quote impossible UN quote back in the 90s with a much simpler system. But nobody wants to be in charge and get it fixed. (And if I call back, the operator can't direct me to the person at Essentia who just called me and whose call I'm returning.)
And they tell me I need to talk to you, my PCP. So i'm talking to you and telling you what's wrong. That's why I'm anxious. You didn't ask. Your procedure said give me pills. I'm sorry you did that. Is that enough apology? Am I being rude? Julie thinks I am, and she thinks you should be mad at me. Are you? I have to keep switching on the so-called dictation software. And it doesn't do paragraphs. And everybody says they're listening, but they won't let me fix that busted *** phone system, because nobody knows who's in charge... Or if they do, they think it's a big ******* secret. And they don't want to let me talk to them, because capital letters procedures. Figured out why I'm figured out have you figured out why I am exhausted and anxious yet? No, you can't call me my phones don't take inbound calls... No I can't call you, my phone system the one that works, doesn't know the number.but you don't do house calls . Procedure . Rules. And no one's in charge. Signed grizz send it
Come to think, Leo Laporte, you should read this too. I can't get logged into your Mastodon site to tell you I can't get logged into your Mastodon site. The above says why I can't call you, and I don't remember your email. Because I'm being protected, for my security... You are only a year older than I am, and you don't know how to fix this without me calling you on the effing phone? Leo, are you okay? What the hell is wrong?
Griz
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